Memorial Tree

I was notified the other week that our family had been selected to have a memorial tree planted in Joey’s honor at the Darien Park Districts annual Arbor Day celebration. I was surprised and excited that our family was chosen. Apparently, the Park district works with The Gift of Carl Foundation to plant memorial trees in honor of deserving families that have lost a loved in in the past year. Our pastor from church shared my blog with someone involved in this organization and the comity selected Joey to be honored. They found our families strength through such a difficult and heartbreaking time as an inspiration to others.

The Gift of Carl Foundation was started by a family in the community that lost their son in a drowning accident. The foundation works to provide awareness and educational opportunities in the fields of theater arts, literacy, music, and environmental education. This originations helps to fund the memorial trees that planted. The memorial trees are planted every year on Arbor Day in a community park and school from the area are invited.

The trees that are planted are larger, as they will be a park. I got to choose what type of tree that I wanted planted for Joey. I choose the Chinkapin Oak out of the three tree choices. I thought that it was a perfect choice because it reminded me of a song that my mom used to sing to me when I was little, that also I sang to Joey. Here are the lyrics:

Over the mountain, over the sea,

Back where my heart is longing to be,

Please let the light that shines on me

Shine on the one I love.

I see the moon; the moon sees me

Down through the leaves of the old oak tree.

Please let the light that shines on me

Shine on the one I love.

In addition a plaque with Joey’s name on it and an inscription will be placed by the tree.  This event is to take place on Friday, April 24^th at Lindenwood Park in Darien, IL. The tree will be blessed and the pastor from our church is planning to say some short words about Joey.  Five families will be honored at the event and a small leaf plaque will be added to the Darien Park Districts “tree of Memories" that is located at the Darien Park District. Here is a summary of the event details:

Darien’s Arbor Day Celebration

Friday April 24^th
Time TBD, morning
Lindenwood Park
(Located on 79^th St, less than ¼ mile, east of Cass Ave. Enter on the north, where the parking lot is connected to the Park. Memorial tress will be planted near the Playground area)

Being asked to take part in the event is very small honor that has made our family feel very special. Having a tree planted for Joey is a  beautiful way for his memory to live on. We plan to take some professional family photos by Joey’s tree this summer. Please feel free to join us rain or shine on April 24^th!

Thank you

Thank you to everyone that came out to support us on Thursday. Eric and I were surprised by the turnout. We feel blessed to know that so many people love and support us. We have been overwhelmed by amount of people that have offered to help with Jonathan, those that have cooked us a meal,  offered to help with any little task, or have donated money. Eric and I have not always been the best at asking for help and everyone in our lives have made the past three months much easier for us.

I can not thank my mom and sister enough for the countless times at a drop of a hat they were at my house to take care of Jonathan and our dogs. My mom spent a few weeks at our house with Jonathan while we were at the hospital. This was a huge help to us and whenever we returned the house was clean, laundry was done, and the fridge was full. My sister, Lisa, was always there to welcome Jonny into her family, pick him up, and do whatever I needed.

Although Eric's parents lived faraway they were always willing to make the drive and help too. Eric and I were shocked by the amount of people that came to Joey's funeral from out of town. Many people drove 4-5 hours just for the service to turn and go back that same night. The effort of those that made the trip just to give us a hug was outstanding.

I would also like to thank Chris Pope and Dave Anderson again for starting the go fund me page. Between the medical bills, funeral cost, and me not working for three months the huge financial burden of this whole thing has been a major relief. Thank you to everyone who has donated. You have really helped our family in a special way. The financial stress of this horrible situation has been lifted.

Eric and I would have never been able to get through this if it was not for the flexibility of our jobs. I special thank you to C.H. Robinson and CDW for their support and understanding.

The love that Eric and I have felt this past week has been amazing. I honestly did not know that so many people cared about us. Father Gavin said at mass, "Baby Joey's purpose here, if only for a short time, was to bring love together." I couldn't agree more, and the love was indeed felt. Thank you to everyone for all of your love and support. Eric and I can't put into words what it's meant to us.

Baby Joey will always be remembered in our hearts and Eric found a special way to keep him present in over everyday lives.

Baby Joey is finally at home and watching over our family.

 

 

 

Services

Please see service information below:

Thursday, February 12th 2015

Our Lady of Mt Carmel Parish
8404 Cass Avenue
Darien, IL 60561

Visitation: 3:00 - 5:00 pm
Mass: 5:00 pm

Joey, 11/17/2014 to 2/7/2015

Earlier this week Joey seemed to rally and was doing a bit better. Unfortunately, as the week progressed he visibly was getting sicker and sicker. By the end of the week he was telling us that it was his time to go. He was fighting a losing battle and all of the signs were there. Joey was in a bad place and it was apparent that he would not be able to recover.

We made the brave choice on Saturday to discontinue care.  This by no means was an easy decision to make and one that I hope that no parent ever has to face. We fought so long and hard for Joey and know in our hearts that we did what was best for him. We did not give up on Joey, but accepted what he was telling us and did what was best for him. If he was ever able to recover from the sepsis his lungs were still hurt, his kidneys were in bad shape, his heart had issues, and his bowel was sick. He would have a long road to recovery and still may face more complications down the road. I wanted to give Joey more time, but the writing on the wall was very clear on Saturday. Joey was requiring more and more support and it was taking more and more to keep him alive. I realized that Joey was not going to be able to get through this and it was only a matter of time.

Jonathan came in to see Joey one last time on Saturday morning and it broke our hearts when he said, "I love you baby Joey" before leaving. It was really important to us that Jonathan got to see Joey one last time and that we could have that family time. Child life came in with some activities for Jonathan and some "remembrance projects" for us to complete with Joey. We made hand molds of ours and Joeys hand and took a few locks of his hair. The molds turned out beautifully and hospital gave us a special box to keep Joey's locks and mementos.

Late Saturday afternoon, we had all of Joey's medications turned off and lines taken out. The breathing tube was left in. We did not want him struggling to breath and wanted to allow him to go on his own time. Morphine was administered to make sure that he was completely comfortable. The monitors were turned off, music was on, and Joey was placed in our arms in a very relaxing and comfortable environment. We had no idea how fast or slow things would go. We sang to Joey, took turn holding him, read him stories, and told him to go to sleep. Over several hours his heart rate  dipped lower and lowers. As it got under 90 things started to move faster and we knew that his time was coming. I felt my inside getting ripped out when Eric told me his heart had stopped and the doctor came in to tell us he was sorry for our loss. I knew Joey was in a better place, but it didn't make it hurt any less.

The breathing tube was finally taken out and I got to hold Joey for the first time, in a long time, with no lines or tube in him. It felt so good to finally hold him to my chest and hug him. It was the worst thought know that I could only do this when my baby was dead. I wished that I could hold him like that forever and take all of his pain and suffering away. He was already gone and I would have traded places with him if I could.

Eric and I gave him a bath and cleaned him up really good. We dressed him for the first time ever and wrapped him in blankets. We gave him final kisses good bye and let the funeral director take him away. Our plan for Joey is cremation. It is upsetting that the only way that Joey is coming home will be in ashes in a box. We picked out a very special urn for him and plan to keep him on our fireplace. He will finally be at home with his family and at rest.

It seems like things never went Joey's way from the get go. It was one complication after another. No one ever foresaw all of these events happening. Eric and I were so hopeful and excited to have Joey apart of our family. We loved him so much and I can not even describe the pain I felt holding his cold dead body. I am so happy that I got to meet Joey and spend 12 short weeks with him. He had my brown eyes, blond hair, and big long hands and feet. He was brave, strong, and a little fighter. My heart aches that his short time on earth was spent in the hospital getting poked and prodded. This poor baby had been through more in his short life then most of us. We spent every day by his side and he knew that his is loved.

God had a plan for baby Joey and there is purpose and reason as to why this horrible thing happened in our lives. I am devastated and sad. Losing Joey is going to hurt for a very long time. Only time will help us heal. I am going to cry, but will move on day to day. I am at peace with Gods plan and trying to understand the purpose. Joey will always be an important member of our family and we will  never forget what he looked like at his best or the strength the he showed.

I will update everyone with visitation information when we have it figured out.

Joey's Rally, Update

Now that Sunday/Monday are a few days past, I've really had a chance to reflect on the experience from earlier this week.  Joey has miraculously pulled through this week.  We have been shocked time and time again by his resilience.  I think that the power of prayer and a mothers touch are the reasons why he is still with us today.

Joey was stable day on Sunday.  On Sunday night, the hospital called and said that we should come in.  When they call and tell you this, you know things are not good.  Joey is in ICU and things can change from hour to hour.  We had just checked on Joey two hours before and he was fine.  Quickly a good day became a bad one. 

I am not trying sound dramatic, but the situation was very serious.  I know that the past month has been post after post of intense events, but this is what we deal with on a day-to-day and week-to-week basis.  This situation was a bit different then the rest.  While the other procedures were risky, and we had to have difficult discussions, it was still something that was happening that was going to help Joey.  This time, we were speaking to the doctors and they were telling us that we had no other options.  Joeys numbers had not been improving and his heart rate had dropped to a dangerously low place. These were signs that the sepsis, infection, was not under control.  The impression that we got from the team was that nothing could be done to help him.  Anything that could, would only extend his life for a short amount of time.  Based on this, we made the decision to not escalate care.  This means, that no other life saving measures would be taken.  We were not going to pull the rug out from under him completely, and stop all care.  We were going to leave things in Gods hands and let Joey figure it out.  This was different than before because we were expecting death as a reality, and not just something that may happen.

Sunday night was filled with tears and lots of snuggles with Joey.  It's really hard to describe the feeling of holding your baby and knowing that any minute, he may be breathing his last breath.  It was truly the most heartbreaking experience.  We didn't think he would live to see Monday morning.  We put a lot of faith in Joey, prayed really hard, and our prayers were heard.

Joey is doing better than Sunday, but he is still very sick.  He is still septic, he still is puffy from fluid, his kidney are hurt, his skin is discolored, he is very weak, and his bowel is injured.  The doctors are trying to balance all that is going on with Joey to make him better.  This is a huge balancing act.  As one thing is done to help him, it hurts somthing else, and it just seems like a big vicious cycle.

The most recent example of this is Joey had to have more bowel removed yesterday.  When you are very sick, the body tries to protect the most vital organs like the heart and brain.  Due to this other areas that are not as significant importance, receive less blood flow, like the kidneys and stomach. Yesterday, more sick bowel was seen in Joeys belly and the surgeon went and removed it.  That makes GI surgery number three for Joey.

 A reason why the bowel may have gotten sick again was due to poor profusion to the gut.  To increase profusion to the gut and other areas Joey needs fluid.  All of the fluid puts stress on the body and increases pressure on the lungs and decreases profusion to the gut.  Joey is having trouble losing fluid because his kidneys are damaged.  The kidneys help remove waste from his body and fight the infection.  He is having trouble fighting the infection due the kidney disease.  The infection puts more stress on the kidneys as well.  To get rid of the infection, Joey needs antibiotics, but that damages the kidneys.  Its is a difficult task to manage all the is going on with Joey and he has not ever been able to recover from one event until the next one happens.

Joey has had so many complications and they keep happening closer and closer together.  It is a miracle that he is still with us today.  It is day-to-day and hour-by-hour with Joey.  It is encouraging that we have seen some improvements, but he is still in a very bad place.  Please say prayers that Joey's kidneys recover quickly, he is able to get fluid off his body, and that he can overcome the sepsis.  

Final Hours

Joeys journey may be coming to its final chapter. We have reached a point where the medical team can only do so much for Joey. Joeys little body has been through major events in a short amount of time and many things are working against him. He is showing signs that he is fighting a losing battle and chances of survival are extremely slim.

We carefully made our way over to the hospital in the thick of blizzard yesterday. There was extreme concern that he would not make it through the night due to a significant decrease in blood pressure. I held Joey all night and slept with him in my arms. Joey looked peaceful and happy. I loved feeling his hand squeezing mine and having his body next to me. Every beep of the monitor had us on the edge of our seats wondering of it was a sign that we were getting closer to saying good bye.

Joey made it through the night and his blood pressure came up without any intervention. Joey is fighting his hardest to stay with us.  Unfortunately, Joey is going to need to pull through on his own and it is not appearing that is body is strong enough to do so.  We are remain hopeful, but realistic.

We have no idea how much more time Joey has with us. It would be very surprising if he made it until the end of the week. We are heartbroken and sad with the current situation. We are taking things day by day and enjoying our time with Joey.

Jonathan came again today to see his brother. It was wonderful to have my whole family together. We did a family hug before Jonathan left fearing it may be out last with Joey.